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Mediumship Development 101: Connecting With Loved Ones Who Have Passed

We all experience the loss of loved ones. This is an especially difficult part of life and our human experience. Grief and loss profoundly affects each one of us personally and uniquely in our journeys. Most of us wonder similar things like: Is my loved one okay? Are they safe? Are they happy and pain-free? As you navigate your grieving process and potentially trust they are at peace or in a place of higher accountability on the other side (regardless of their life struggles or experience), it is possible to hear from them again through mediumship.

A psychic medium or evidential medium has the ability to communicate messages in various ways from friends and loved ones who have passed on to the other side. They are able to receive validating information, insights, memorable experiences and guidance from passed loved ones.

The gift of mediumship is not limited to specific people; this is a skill we can all develop. As with our intuition, we all share the capacity for extrasensory abilities; mediumship is one of them. Some people are more developed or in touch with their innate psychic faculties than others. Like all intuitive gifts, mediumship is a muscle that can be strengthened and cultivated. In this blog, I dive deep into mediumship development, the ethics of mediumship, and tips on practicing this skill.

a woman's hands holding onto a crystal ball while she practices mediumship development. The ball is sitting on a wooden table with various spiritual objects like books and incense.

Before You Start Mediumship Development

Before starting your mediumship development journey, I encourage you to work on developing your intuition first. Mediumship can be more complicated to cultivate and translate versus more general intuition, insights, and communicating with your Higher Self. The clearer, stronger, and more consistently practiced your intuitive abilities, likely, the more smoothly and confidently your mediumship development will unfold (probably faster too!).

Mediumship development nor intuition development is not to say everyone is the same. We are all unique in our learning and communication styles, experiences, points of reference, and curiosities. My claircognizance (reference the “clairs” blog: The 4 Intuition Types & What They Mean) and mediumship developed in a parallel way. It was very difficult to interpret, discern and understand what was coming through and from where. Talk about overwhelming and confusing. I’ll discuss this at another time. Hence, the offering of this blog is to support you in the healthy and incremental development of your extrasensory gifts so you can not only make sense of them, and use them wisely and for your and others’ highest good, but so you can find health & healing in your journey.

Why Intuition Development First?

We all have gifts and abilities that allow us to communicate with loved ones on the other side; however, some people are naturally more pronounced in their ability as a psychic medium.

Intuition development is receiving messages from Spirit / God / a higher place. With mediumship, you’re specifically intent on getting in touch with an individual who has crossed over. Although intuition and mediumship go hand in hand, it’s important to understand your intuition and the way you receive insight. This will better and more clearly support you in your mediumship development, confidence, and courage. Mediumship takes courage, clear boundaries, and trust in your soul’s wisdom & strength. These are cornerstones for the interpreter (the medium) to healthfully communicate with spirits.

Developing your intuition first is going to help you build trust in your innate voice, clarity and sincerity in the messages you’re receiving, and understanding the way that you intuitively communicate. Thus, understanding the ‘Clairs‘ and where your strongest abilities lie will help you to most effectively, and in the healthiest way, develop your mediumship.

The Ethics of Mediumship

Be in a Healthy State

When you receive guidance from a loved one on the other side, it’s important to be in a healthy state. For example, offering mediumship or receiving messages under the influence of substances or alcohol can weaken your immune systems (mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually), and you can be or become unconsciously susceptible to things/energies that aren’t of the light. This can also compromise your trust and the safety of the space you want to create for you and whomever you’re sharing messages with.

On the flip side, incredibly sacred messages have come through under the influence of ancient shamanic practices with plant medicine in indigenous cultures. They were much closer to nature than the bulk of our tech-dependent societies. Practices for communicating with spirit(s) that have been held sacred through the ages. So, unless you are a trained shamanic practitioner or more advanced in your gifts, “reading sober” is a general rule of thumb for your highest light to come through as you’re developing your abilities. This also sets an empowered precedent of integrity for all parties involved (including the spirit or loved one on the other side).

One last thought on this: We all have the ability to tap into dormant cells, DNA, memories, and higher consciousness with our human resources by going within, asking for the highest guidance to be revealed, listening, and trusting in the divinity and quantum possibilities of our biology. There is a whole universe within each of us waiting to be tapped into and activated healthfully and meaningfully.

Set intentions that your mediumship is used for love, light, healing, and for the highest and most divine purposes.

Is The Message Meant To Be Received?

Another ethical piece of mediumship is ensuring the message you get is meant to be received or shared.

General practice: When you receive a message from a loved one:

  • Go above that loved one’s spirit – up to God / your higher self / the more advanced spirits above

    • whatever resonates with you

  • Intuitively ask, in your mind’s eye, Am I supposed to be receiving this message?

  • You’ll immediately get a yes or a no.

    • It’s usually like a quick hit. Yes! No!


    • Move your personal preferences, wants, and investment away

    • Divine timing is highly important

To truly be in integrity with your mediumship, it is imperative that you respect the answer you receive.

  • If you receive a yes, then you listen and hold space for whatever the message is.

  • If you receive a no, then it is in your integrity to trust that and say, “Okay, thank you. I hear you, and I will revisit this when I’m in a healthier state or when the timing is right.

Is The Message Meant To Be Delivered?

If you’re offering mediumship messages to someone else, then not only do you ask if the message is supposed to be received, but you also ask if the message is supposed to be delivered.

Let’s say you receive a message about someone who isn’t explicitly sitting down in a mediumship session with you (you’re at the grocery store, on a plane, at a party, etc.). After you get the hit / message, it’s your responsibility to ask if the message is supposed to be delivered to this person. Let’s say you get a “Yes!” You then summon the courage to let that person know you have mediumship skills. Communicate to them that you know you’re receiving a message from a loved one, and ask them if they would like to hear the message.

  • If the person says yes, then you’ve already gotten permission from God / Source / Divine and you can share it.

  • If the person says no, they don’t want the message, then you say okay and you trust that.

    • You may feel awkward or a little embarrassed; don’t! You keep being open to receiving messages and having the courage to ethically approach the sharing of the messages. Your talents will not only grow stronger, but your faith and trust in yourSelf, your Higher Power, and the spirits who want to deliver messages will be in the highest light of integrity.

I was taught this ethical practice early on and stand by it wholeheartedly. This helps you, as the medium, trust that you are coming from a place of utmost love, integrity, and character. You’re keeping your side of the street clean, and it’s all in a space of consent, light, wholeness, trust, and love.

Two people sitting cross-legged, hovering their hands above oracle cards that are spread out on a bed. The woman is practicing mediumship development with a friend.

Active Bereavement and Mediumship Development

Anyone who is actively grieving within the first two to three months after the loss of a loved one is not necessarily in the healthiest state to receive a mediumship reading.

A reading can disrupt the person’s unique grieving process. If you’ve lost someone close to you, you know how uncertain, messy and non-linear grief is. Plus, it’s unique to each of us and the relationship with whomever you’ve lost. During this time of acute grief (usually the first 2-3 months) a person’s mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual immune systems are low and can be compromised. Not to mention the ego that wants what it wants and wants it now; usually from a place of fear rather than love.

When our immune systems are down, we’re susceptible and it can trigger anger or frustration. So if a person wants to know something that the medium can’t deliver or deliver in the way they “want” it, both the reader and person in grief can become frustrated and actually impede or confuse the natural grieving process.

Also, the loved one’s spirit is transitioning to the other side during those first few months. They are adjusting too! The spirit’s ability to communicate clearly and healthily is usually not as effective. The energy is very disrupted in acute trauma, so the messages that come through may not be as clear.

There’s a lot to be said for waiting a few months after the passing of a loved one before receiving a reading:

  • The client is in a healthier, more receptive state for the message they need to hear.

  • The spirit, the loved one they’ve lost, is able to more clearly give guidance, validation, information, and healing.

  • And it all comes from a healthier place, versus coming from shock, trauma, or acute grief.

Communication Without Mediumship

Active bereavement can open more of a personal portal or thinning of the veil. So, this is not to say that you can’t receive messages from or feel your loved ones after they have passed away. On a personal level, you can feel your loved ones very close in the first few months after their passing.

It’s good for you to communicate with them during this time, just maybe not through a medium yet. It’s likely that you will receive messages from your loved ones during the first few months after their passing. This is because the veil is still thin and their energy is still very close.

If you think you hear their voice or see them out of the corner of your eye, or maybe the lights flicker, that’s usually just them saying, “I’m here. I don’t know how to communicate with you. I love you. I’m transitioning to the other side, and I’m okay.

Common Questions & Medium Answers

Typically, there are a couple of big questions people have after their loved one has passed.

Is my loved one okay, are they safe?” and “Is my loved one mad or upset with me?”

Usually, once the spirit crosses over, they transition into a higher realm of being, unconditional light, and love (even if they made poor or even horrific choices in their lifetime). They will be exactly where they are supposed to be for their life review and set-up healing they will encounter based on their life’s actions. They still learn lessons for their soul’s growth and evolution on the other side, but they are now in a space of seeing things so much higher.

If there was discord or an argument in the very end or throughout the dynamic of the relationship (we all know how complex relationships can be), the loved one on the other side can usually see what pain was going on, what the moving parts were, and they say, “No, I’m not upset. I want you to heal.” Or things like, “I recognize my part in your pain and I am beginning to work on how I can heal and be of service to you in a way that I wasn’t or fell short in this lifetime.

Personally, I find time and time again that they aren’t angry or upset. They’re working on owning their part in the role. They just want you to grieve, feel happy, feel whole, feel well, and have no guilt, regret, remorse, or pain for either things left unsaid or things said while under duress.

a woman is holding white sage wrapped in a blue ribbon. she is clearing the energy of the space before practicing mediumship development.

Practicing Mediumship Development

Start Solo & Use A Ritual

When practicing mediumship development, the first thing you want to do is be intentional and determine who you want to communicate with. Focus on one individual, whether they’re a parent, grandparent, spouse, pet, etc. Set the intention that you are holding space for love, clarity, healing, and bringing in only the highest light. It’s important to set an energetic boundary, and in the beginning, it may be helpful to create a ritual.

I created a brief video a while back that’s a wonderful 101 to energetic boundaries. If you’re new to this, check out my short video, “Aura Calisthenics & Energetic Boundaries.” Super helpful; not only for mediumship or intuitive development, but for getting present and up close with the quantum power your energetic field is transmitting at any given time.

A mediumship ritual will help you create a routine to get yourself into a healthy and receptive state. For example, your ritual could look like:

  • Sitting in a quiet, comfortable place.

  • Lighting a candle or some incense.

  • Using sage or Palo Santo to clear the energy.

  • Setting an intention that the space is full of light and love, and you are only here to receive the highest love, light, intelligence, and information.

  • Then once the energy and intention are set, take a few deep breaths and maybe even get into a bit of a meditative state.

Then think about the person you want to reach, and ask them to show you a sign so you know they are present. Be still and look, listen, and intuit the sign. It may come through the physical world, or be an impression, voice, vision, or knowing. Practicing will clarify how your messages most clearly and accurately come to you.

Noticing Expected And Unexpected Signs

A sign could be seeing a bird that flies up to the window, your phone ringing and the caller is a relative of your loved one, a light may flicker, etc. The more you exercise this muscle and the more open you are, the more signs you will see, and no sign is silly.

Even if you’ve been practicing mediumship for a while, and you don’t see a sign when you ask for one, then just go about your day. Don’t hyper-focus on the sign or the answer; let your mind be free. Do the laundry, run some errands, pick the kids up from school, etc. Maybe you’re in the car and a song comes on the radio that just stops you in your tracks. And you know inevitably, innately, it is your loved one’s sign.

Oftentimes, mediumship doesn’t just happen in the moment unless you’re a skilled or professional psychic medium. It happens in a non-linear way, especially when you are beginning your mediumship development.

Practice Mediumship Often

When trying to develop mediumship, it’s important to start small and practice often. Practice with 1-3 loved ones who have crossed over. Each loved one may show up differently and some may be stronger in their ability to communicate.

As you continue to practice this, you’ll start to notice more signs and will start to communicate a little better. You can ask questions, ask for insight, or ask for guidance. As you build this muscle, the messages will become stronger. They will get more intricate and deeper, but it takes a lot of practice to begin to clearly receive messages.

With more practice, you will start receiving messages from your loved ones that are more specific. You may start to sense things, like the smell of their cologne or seeing their military uniform. I recommend keeping a journal of everything you’re sensing, feeling, and experiencing. This will help you understand how the intuitive mediumship abilities come through to you, as you typically have one or two ways that are more developed than others.

Practice Mediumship Development With A Friend

Once you start to understand how messages come to you, and you become more confident in communicating that and trusting yourself, then you can explore the idea of practicing with a friend.

Ask a friend that you are comfortable with, and then sit down to practice with them. Do the ritual you created to set the energy and intention. Have your friend focus on a memory of the person they want to communicate with. Don’t let them tell you who, and just breathe and see what is coming through for you.

This way, you can see if you’re able to pick up on what they’re remembering about their loved one. Maybe you start to sense something, like the smell of cookies, so you let your friend know what you’re sensing. And if your friend was thinking about a memory where they were baking cookies with their loved one, then this helps validate the energy of the person you’re trying to reach. This is when you can ask the spirit if there are any messages they would like to deliver to your friend.

However, if you aren’t picking up on your friend’s memory or the energy of their loved one, then you may not want to ask if there are any messages because you aren’t able to validate that you’re communicating with the right person or maybe the timing is off. Keep practicing!

Mediumship Development Is A Learning Process

While you’re practicing with someone, if any of the information you share doesn’t make sense or resonate with that person, don’t be upset. You’re still learning and building a new skill. The most important part of mediumship development is to continue to build the muscle and not to let imperfection hold you back. Mediumship isn’t about perfection. It’s about developing an ability to trust and know that our loved ones are there for us on the other side, supporting and guiding us.

Even more important, remember that your loved ones are always there when you ask for them, even if you don’t see or feel their messages.

Developing your mediumship is a journey that takes patience and commitment. With consistent practice, you’ll be able to develop a deeper connection with yourSelf and your loved ones on the other side. Whether you want to develop mediumship for personal connection or to support others, you now know how to prepare for mediumship development, the ethics of mediumship, and how to practice alone or with someone.

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